Wednesday, February 13, 2013
NO,NO, NO I don't want to go!
Just ask my mother, she can tell you stories of how much I hated to go anywhere there were people. I am a rebel and an introvert. Most people may never guess that about me. They may think that I am outgoing and very much a talker. They may tell you that I never shut up and I seem very comfortable in crowds, and they would be very much mistaken.
I have never much liked group gatherings. I always make sure that if I go to visit anyone that they know I don't want to go anywhere and most definitely do not want to meet new people. When I travel, I want to be alone, I want to sit silently somewhere and listen to sounds, feel the wind and turn off my mind because it is normally so busy, busy, busy with all the grind that we call adulthood.
So when Tammy asked me to go, I dreaded the close proximity with all those people and all that clammer and interaction that seems to be the main idea behind cruises. As you can see from my pictures I was MISERABLE!
I have always been in tuned and highly sensitive to extreme activity. I can easily be drawn into conversation and with little encouragement, but at the same time I find I am open and fragile to the effects that are occurring all around us. Effects such as the seen and unseen judgements that are continually being made. The effects that the energy vampires leave behind by draining and stealing others life force. And the ability to take on others feelings even though you have little or no involvement in the outcome. I realize that I need to let go more, trust the process and open up to more adventure in my life. But at the same time I find the process and adventure to be overwhelming and crippling.
It is this crippling effect that brings me to my need for alone time to empty my mind and expand my suppressed and stifled energy. This alone time allows me to decide how much I want to open myself up to the energy of any given situation and once again enjoy the journey.
As I grow older I can not say that I am in any way getting better at handling my sensitivity. If anything I find that I need more alone time. I find that I am more susceptible to becoming emotional on a whim. But I can say that knowing what I am and understanding myself, finding room for acceptance and making time to empty and make space inside myself has become a life saver for me as well as for those who deal with me on a daily basis. Being true to who your are, and understanding that you are a constant and ever changing being can bring you peace and help you feel less depressed and more de-compressed.
For this moment I feel a peacefulness. I feel an emptiness that allows me to expand from the tiny me to something so much bigger. Where ever you find yourself today I wish you health and happiness. I wish upon you a moment of expansion where you let everything go. I find even a minute of focused silence with emphasis in breathing gives me that perfect opportunity to release, expand and feel lighter.
Namaste' and happy travels